{"id":54729,"date":"2026-08-24T11:47:07","date_gmt":"2026-08-24T09:47:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.turner.nl\/uncategorized\/column-by-peter-de-bruin-listening-clearly\/"},"modified":"2026-08-24T11:47:11","modified_gmt":"2026-08-24T09:47:11","slug":"column-by-peter-de-bruin-listening-clearly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.turner.nl\/en\/blog-en\/column-by-peter-de-bruin-listening-clearly\/","title":{"rendered":"Column by Peter de Bruin | \u201cListening Clearly\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Column by Peter de Bruin<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\"Listening Carefully\"<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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In his latest column, Peter de Bruin explores the dynamic between \u201cthey don\u2019t do what I say\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t feel heard.\u201d Active listening fosters a relationship of trust between leaders and the organization. Conversely, the speaker doesn\u2019t always get what he or she wants. <\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\"Listening Carefully\"<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\u201cIf you won\u2019t listen, you\u2019ll have to feel it,\u201d my father used to say. For a long time, I thought he meant a good beating when he said \u201cfeel it\u201d\u2014something he never actually did, by the way. I didn\u2019t discover the true meaning of this saying until much later, when I learned to listen myself. <\/p>

You often hear that leaders are poor listeners. That\u2019s unfortunate, because it means they\u2019re missing out on important ideas from within the organization\u2014precisely where Innovation and execution go hand in hand. In fact, when people don\u2019t feel heard, it affects their motivation at work. That\u2019s quite important. Everyone would agree on that. Let\u2019s explore the dynamics that, in practice, may lie behind insufficient listening and the lack of feeling heard. <\/p>

Cause <\/strong><\/h4>

It may have to do with the somewhat one-dimensional view of leadership held by some leaders, who focus primarily on providing direction and answers. Listening is seen as a \u201csoft\u201d skill. Some other leaders are so thin-skinned that their fear prevents them from listening further. \u201cThey don\u2019t do what I say,\u201d is a common refrain from this type of leader. In such cases, your feedback often comes back to you like a boomerang. Another factor may be that a leader receives so much input that it becomes impossible to please everyone. Without clear feedback\u2014such as \u201cI\u2019ve heard you, and this is what I\u2019ve done with it\u201d\u2014the perception of not being heard can turn into disappointment at not getting what you want. Listening is a complex matter. <\/p>

Looking at the issue from the sender\u2019s perspective: Are senders clear enough in what they say? Or are they afraid to say what they have to say? That, too, is unfortunate, because as a result, countless leaders are left without proper feedback. They don\u2019t get what they need\u2014what they\u2019re entitled to. Why is it that we don\u2019t always speak our minds clearly? Or do we sometimes even tell leaders what they want to hear? What lies at the root of this: fear for our careers, a desire to please, or social insecurity due to the power dynamic? Or is it that fear of the aforementioned disappointment that holds us back? Ironically, it\u2019s also possible that the leader acts on your input, only for it to turn out to be wrong in hindsight. Then you\u2019ve ended up giving the wrong advice. Giving advice is a complex matter. <\/p>

Reflection<\/strong><\/h4>

Listening and communicating are actions within a complex relationship between people, involving the necessary (underlying) mechanisms on both sides. In that relationship, it is the sum of the moments of interaction that collectively build mutual trust. \u201cThey don\u2019t listen\u201d and\/or \u201cthey don\u2019t do what I say\u201d are signs that the relationship lacks the trust that the other person has taken your input into account or is providing clear feedback. That is a sign that reflection is needed\u2014in two steps. <\/p>

First, reflect on your own motives. Is it really about the organization, or is your own pain or fear secretly pulling the strings? And then, engage in dialogue with the other person; give each other feedback that\u2019s as honest as possible. If clear communication and careful listening still don\u2019t work in such a conversation, ultimately what my father meant by \u201cthose who won\u2019t listen will have to feel the consequences\u201d still holds true. <\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Meet the Author<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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