“The Curse of Success”

More than five years later, he called again. BU director, 52. Now he sounded downcast, shaken. Not quite as “everything’s fine” as the first time we spoke. Back then, he had it all: a meteoric career, a happy marriage, he was in great shape, had friends, and healthy kids. The world was at his feet. “I can’t help it,” he said, “everything I touch turns to gold.” Yet he wasn’t arrogant or solely focused on status or materialistic appearances. He had his people’s best interests at heart, he said. And that sounded credible, although I couldn’t verify whether that’s how it came across to them.

Why was he sitting across from me? Well, neither of us really knew. During a performance review, his boss had said that everything was going great, but that despite his flawless presentations, he “doesn’t connect with the audience.” “Maybe you could use some practice,” he’d said.

To make a long story short, no, our conversations didn’t amount to much back then. His conclusion: I don’t need a coach. At least not right now.

He was proven right about that last point. Five years later, we resumed our conversations. Or rather, we started over. Why? The trees didn’t turn out to grow to the sky, loyalty suddenly wasn’t eternal, his back was acting up, and at the company, another crown prince became king. In every way, our interaction was different this time. Still just as intelligent and erudite as ever, but with a touch of curiosity. At first, it stemmed from doubt (“what did I miss?”) and judgment (“how could I have been so stupid?””). Then came the searching (“what else is there,” “what pattern am I stuck in,” and “why did I do what I did and think what I thought”). As with so many, the burden of an unresolved past was quite heavy. All the more respect for the achievement he managed, through sheer willpower, all those years.

There’s work to be done. Nothing ever goes completely smoothly. Everyone has wounds or old pains. We find a way to deal with them—to navigate them successfully. That can take you a long way. But sometimes it also blocks something, such as, in this example, the ability to connect. Success is motivating. Keep it up! It obscures the need for reflection and masks the need for introspection. After all, a pattern tends to be just that—a pattern. Blinders.

Many people are unlucky enough to be successful. As a result, they’ve forgotten the art of trial and error. Having the wind at your back for too long limits your ability to see that the landscape around you is changing. Success—and other “narcotics” such as wealth, alcohol, drugs, etc.—hinder timely introspection.

He’s smiling again now. The blow hit him hard, but he’s bounced back. It took hard work—it certainly wasn’t for lack of willpower :-). A great guy. Back on track. But in a different way. His antennae are up. His intuition is spot on. People are eager to work for him. Not everything he touches turns to gold, but his team is worth its weight in gold.

Success stifles growth. Still, I wish you a successful 2025!!