"I want to!"

“They don’t do what I say,” the CEO said, explaining the lackluster quarterly results to a small group of analysts. “We do have a strategy—do I really have to explain it all over again?” she continued indignantly. In the room, you can sense her helpless isolation. Indeed, she receives no support from her colleagues there. Only the spokesperson tries to salvage the awkward situation somewhat.

A feisty woman, but out of touch with reality—at least as far as her team is concerned. It’s painful that no one dares to tell her that. Nowhere do the listeners sense any sense of “pulling together.” Yet that is, after all, the essence of a company. Company, literally “companionship”; with whom do you do business—the company?

Connection—it seems so obvious. And yet, in many organizations, we see a desperate urge to act on the part of know-it-all lone wolves. They try to change others through their way of thinking. That doesn’t work—you can only change yourself. You can’t decide anything for someone else. But a different way of leading, inspiring, connecting, explaining, listening, motivating, dealing with mistakes, and so on, may help others change. As a leader, you have influence over others—significant influence. A different version of yourself challenges and invites others. Their different context begins with you.

Over the past year, I’ve really experienced what it’s like to change myself. And how! With the right help, I’ve come a lot closer to who I truly am. This has allowed me to replace the question “Who do I want to be?” with “Who do I want to be with?” The effect is noticeable—for me and those around me. And as a result, I’m getting different reactions to my actions, different invitations, and different relationships. My takeaway is that it’s better for everyone.

I wanted to change myself. Ownership^(*1). And the rest is history. “You have to do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone,” said the resource I chose—someone from a context different from what I was used to. Ergo, a change in context helped me change. The dichotomy is telling: changing yourself changes your context. As a result, others can change (along with you). And conversely, a different context helps you change yourself.

The CEO mentioned wants to change the organization. She wants to do it herself. And so she stands alone. That won’t get the company anywhere. She’d be better off changing herself! If she creates a different context for herself, then change won’t be just for others. Only then will she no longer be alone. And others will change along with her.

The way you bring about change says more about the outcome than the strategy itself. What challenge will your organization face in 2024? My advice: Change yourself—be willing to do so! By changing yourself, you’ll have the greatest influence on others.

^(*1) “I want to” is the most important statement for change. We see this principle elsewhere as well—for example, in social medicine. Pediatrician Elise van de Putte has spent her entire career researching the prospects for recovery among chronically fatigued children through behavioral therapy. She describes two types of children. Adolescents who speak in the first person and describe themselves as active agents, and those who present themselves as passive recipients of events. The latter group seeks solutions to their problems outside themselves and rarely “recover” fully. The first group pulls through. Where there’s a will, … source: NRC, December 16, 2023